So you think affirmative action is why you didn't get into college... (What the hell's wrong with you?)

You might ask, "Gary, you sure haven't a written a post in a long ass time. I thought you were dead, or at least realized that no one reads your blog." Well, you're dead wrong, motherfucker. My doctors tell me I'm still alive,  and still haven't checked my pageview stats.

No, the real reason I haven't posted is because I have not wanted to write about affirmative action. The fact is that "affirmative action" does not deserve 1% of the controversy surrounding it, and you're doing yourself a disservice when you complain about it--playing into the hands of the richest of bastards, who win when poor/middle class blacks and whites are at each other's throats. Don't believe me? Let's have a drunk conversation.

"Have you guys ever noticed that when black people are on welfare, it infuriates you? Now you have."

1.  MOST OF WHAT YOU CALL "AFFIRMATIVE ACTION" IS ACTUALLY COMPLETELY MADE UP AND NOT A REAL THING, ANYWHERE

If you've seen American History X, you probably remember the scene where Ed Norton figures out that his dad is a big racist (it took him 17 years to piece it together, I don't know how that guy caught Red Dragon).  The dad's talking about how his fictional fire department has to hire X number of African Americans, so lots of good old white boys were squeezed out, even though they totally deserved those jobs. My sense is that most high school and even college kids think this is how real college works. It doesn't.

According to the 1978 Supreme Court case Bakke vs. Regents, schools can not set "numerical targets based on race for admission or employment." So, where does all the "If you're black and Native American you can get into Harvard even if you are mentally retarded and once stabbed another mentally retarded person" talk come from? 

A lot of it comes from the fact that people like their self esteem, so when little Jimmy gets rejected from TCNJ and Jamal gets accepted, his subconscious has an answer that makes him look like a victim instead of a lazy fuck up. Good for Jimmy. And since almost all white kids get rejected from at least one school, they're not going to call bullshit. They like that answer too, even if they have absolutely no reason to believe it. 

"Come with me and you'll never have to take responsibility for your shortcomings again!"

It is true, however, that some schools may have diversity goals. They don't have a set number of African Americans, Jews, Arabs, Vietnamese, orphans, Wisconsinites, people who's parents were missionaries, etc. that they have to have, but they know that they don't want a school divided between Tiger Mom offspring and white nerds. But is it really surprising or "unfair" that colleges look at more than SAT scores when they select students? 

If one of the university's missions is "to encourage diversity and cross-cultural understanding," they may have very good reasons for selecting for diversity. If a mission is "giving back to the community," it's perfectly natural that Johns Hopkins should extend admission to some top inner city Baltimore students, even if Chad Crackerton edged out their SAT scores. 

Besides, a college might just have every reason to believe that the son of a poor, black single mom growing up in a gang-plagued neighborhood who got a 1380 on his SAT's and wrote a perfect essay might be an objectively more promising candidate than Cole Everwhite, who got a 1460 on the SAT's but lived in a rich suburb, and is a little bitch. 

"But... I ate all my aderall studying for the Latin SAT II... You OWE ME an acceptance letter now!!"

So if you didn't get into the college you wanted, you can't really prove that you deserved a spot and lost out to someone who didn't, so stop saying that. It's not like they've done studies on that. What? Wait, they have. And the findings were...

2.  THE REAL "AFFIRMATIVE ACTION" IS FOR RICH WHITE KIDS

According to a study based on closely guarded admissions data from top U.S. colleges, about 15% of students are rich white kids who failed to meet minimum academic standards. Most had connection to their university through alumni, donors, faculty or politicians. Overall, whites with shitty grades were twice as likely to be accepted as blacks and latinos with shitty grades. 

So while people like Donald Trump might say things like "Obama only got into Harvard because it's easier if you're black," the truth is that it's easier if you're like Donald Trump.

"Satan said he would make me a rich white man if I agreed to look like Susan Boyle had sex with a LOLcat."

Now before this shit get's any longer, I'd like to leave you with a quote from the late historian Howard Zinn:

"It is important [for the richest 1%] to make sure that the 99% remain split in countless ways, and turn against each other to vent their angers. How skillful to tax the middle class to pay for the relief of the poor, building resentment on top of humiliation! How adroit to bus poor black youngsters into poor white neighborhoods,  while the schools of the rich remain untouched and the wealth of the nation, doled out carefully where children need free milk, is drained for billion-dollar aircraft carriers. How ingenious to meet the demands of blacks and women for equality by giving them small special benefits, and setting them in competition with everyone else for jobs made scarce by an irrational, wasteful system. How wise to turn the fear and anger of the majority toward a class of small criminals bred by economic inequality, deflecting attention from the huge thefts of natural resources carried out within the law by men in executive offices."